Child Sexual Abuse - Who is doing this to our children?

Who is doing this to our children?
   There are various definitions for the type of person who would sexually abuse our children. Most commonly, they are referred to as paedophiles or child molesters.
   Important to know that once an adult or older youth has committed the crime of child sexual abuse, they cannot be rehabilitated. Although there are programs where they try to rehabilitate these predators, most of them concentrate on removing the prey [your child] from the perpetrator [the paedophile]. Like an alcoholic with alcohol, if these predators are in the presence of our children, the temptation is always there for them to molest and rape again and again. Most often, paedophiles and molesters are known to their victims or to their families.

Why do they do it?
   Paedophiles and molesters are attracted to our children sexually and they receive gratification by their actions. They often seduce our children with attention and gifts – this is called grooming.
   There are those predators who hurt our children because their motivation is more an issue of power than sexual desire.
   Then there are those who hurt our children through pornography and child prostitution because they seek financial gain.
   These predators do it because in most cases they have the power of control over our children and they have the privacy and opportunity to do it. It should become the life mission of anyone who has a child or who knows a child, to remove the opportunity, power, control and privacy from these predators.

   Paedophiles and molesters look for opportunities where they can abuse our children – they also create opportunities – in the privacy of the location that they have chosen, at their own time and on their own terms. We need to ensure that we know what situations and behaviours to look for in people who could potentially
sexually abuse our children.

   It is important to know that these predators are con-men. They will tell you anything to make you believe them and to go with them. They will look you in the eye and convince you that their intentions are good.

How do they do it?
   Paedophiles have various ways of ensuring that they have control over your child in order for them to sexually abuse them. Examples of grooming tactics and lures used by paedophiles to sexually abuse our children
Affection – pretending they care for the victim and their family
Assistance – asking for help from the victim
Bribery – age related items like sweets, toys, food, alcohol, money.
Authority – using their position as coach, scout leader for example, to lower the victim’s guard and defences.
False Emergency – they state there is an emergency at home
Fun and Games – that allows touching
Ego/Fame/Jobs – modelling jobs, beauty contests, private auditions; where they are told to keep it secret.
Name recognition – uses names of victims displayed on personal property like books, school bags, jackets, etc to make victim feel comfortable.
Threats/Fear – threatens the victim into not telling
Heroes – dresses up like Father Christmas or a clown to win kids over.
Magic and rituals – preys on victim’s innocence.
Pornography – uses pornographic material to lower inhibitions and then to make them feel ashamed and unworthy of the love of those who really care for them.

Who do they target as their victims?
   This is a broad description and not necessarily characteristics of victims. Children from birth age to those on the brink of puberty can be victims of child sexual abusers. Children who lack affection and physical and emotional attention at home. Children who lack confidence. Children who are left alone or left to look after
themselves. Children who are situations where there are no responsible adults to look after them. Children who live in homes where there are substance abuse.

Any child - Our children…

What can we do right now, to stop this from happening to our children?
   Remove your children from situations where paedophiles have opportunity, privacy and control over your child, where they can do what they want, where they want and on their own terms.

We need to teach our children daily from the youngest age, the following in an age-appropriate and non-fearful way…

That he or she has to check with you before they go anywhere with someone other than yourself.

To run away from danger.

To shout and make as much noise as possible when someone tries to forcibly take them away or tries to lure them away from the public eye.

To have a safety plan – if you are not home when they come from school, give them a safe alternative place to where they can go.

It is okay to say NO! to an adult.

Which strangers are okay to ask for help, for example, another mom with children, or the teller at the shop; if they are ever separated from you.

An adult or older child asking for directions or help is usually a sign of danger – adults should ask other adults for help or directions.

If an adult or older child takes something from them that belongs to them; and your child needs to get closer in order to get the thing back, they must rather turn around and run away and tell you.

You can handle anything they may wish to tell you. There should be no secrets kept from you – even if someone has told them that they would hurt them if they told.

Their body belongs to them. Any part of their bodies which is covered by a bathing suit is private – this means, that nobody must touch it. And nobody must ask them to show this private body to them for any reason.

To tell you or another adult if someone does something that makes them feel uncomfortable, scared or confused. They must tell until someone listens.

To listen to their inside voice [instinct]. Usually, if something feels wrong, it is. They must pay attention to this and get away from the situation.

To know their telephone number, address and full name.

Children are taught to obey adults, but if they’re feeling unsafe, uncomfortable or confused, they should get away from that adult and tell you about it a.s.a.p.

About basic sex education, using age-appropriate language and information.

What parents need to know and do right now and every day:
   Never leave your child unattended [playing in the front garden, or with the neighbour’s kids in the park, or in any situation where you cannot see them.] Not even for a minute – it takes seconds for someone to lure your child away, or to grab them by force. Remove the opportunity for predators to take your child away from you.

Ask yourself what motivation another adult or an older child would have to spend time alone with your child [always offering to baby sit, transport the child or be alone with your child].

Never let your child go places alone. Even 2 small children can be abducted together.

Know where your children are and with whom at all times.

Assume that what your child has to say is just as important as what you have to say – you are giving your child a voice.

Talk to your child, and listen to your child – really listen. Even 5 minutes of sincere listening to your child will ensure that your child knows that he or she matters and is important to you.

Try to identify situations and behaviours where your child may be at risk of being abducted, raped and murdered. Act on this. Don’t expose your child to that possibility.

Believe your child when they tell you that they have been hurt by someone, or shown something that has upset them or made them feel uncomfortable.

Listen to your children when they tell you they don’t want to go stay with someone with whom you want to leave them.

Love your child, and tell them that you love them as often as you can.

http://www.informationempowers.org.za/

Can your child answer the following questions?

http://www.informationempowers.org.za/

Can your child answer the following questions?

1. Do you know that it is okay to say “NO!” to an adult or an older child?

   Children are taught to always be polite and mind their manners and therefore, children would find it difficult to say no to an adult or older child when they feel uncomfortable or are unsure about what the adult or older child wants them to do. It is therefore important to realize that not all people have your child’s best intentions at heart. The reality is that there are people in this country who would harm your child for their own needs.

   Teach your child that it is okay to say no to an adult or older child when they expect them to do something that makes them feel uncomfortable or unsafe or uncertain. Tell them that you will explain to this adult or older child that your child was being safe and trusted his instincts or inner voice. And make sure that you do back your child up when it comes to him/her following their instinct when it comes to matters of personal safety.

2. Do you know when to stop a conversation that makes you feel uncomfortable, unsafe or doubtful inside?
   Children are innocent and even though they are taught not to talk to strangers, situations exist where adults and older children talk to your child about things that are inappropriate.

   Your young child may feel uncomfortable and not know how to handle the information [which may be explicit] that is coming their way. Teach your child that if a conversation makes them feel uncomfortable, unsafe or doubtful inside, to walk or run away and to tell you or another trusted adult about it as soon as possible.

3. Do you know which person to go to for help if you get separated from mom or dad?
   Children are taught not to talk to strangers, but what if a stranger is the only one who could help them should they get separated from you? You want to ensure that your child knows which stranger to go to for help should this happen: the woman behind the till at a shopping centre, choose the pharmacist that you always go to for medication as a meeting point, or look for another mommy with children. These are some examples of ‘strangers’ who may assist your child should they get separated from you.

4. Do you know to run and yell… shout and tell, when someone tries to make you do something that you feel uncomfortable or scared about?
   A Child sexual predator tries to blend in and wants as little attention for himself as possible. Teach your child to scream and shout and make as much noise as they can when someone tries to make them do something that makes them feel uncomfortable or scared.

5. Do you know that you should take at least 2 adult step backwards [2 adult arm-lengths] when someone tries to get close to you in order for them to get within their reach?
   A person who wants to forcefully grab your child will try anything to get your child to get close to them in order for them to do that - from stopping in a car to ask for directions to taking their favourite toy and asking your child to come and fetch it from them. You need to teach your child that for example, adults stopping to ask children for directions is always a danger sign – they need to turn around and run in the opposite direction that the car is facing; and should someone take their favourite toy and ask them to get closer to get it back, to rather leave the toy and tell a trusted adult. Their lives are more important than any toy could ever be.


6. Do you know to stay in the public eye when you ask someone for help when you are away from your parents/care-givers?
    Staying in the public eye means staying where other people are too. Should your child need to ask for help from a stranger in for example a shopping centre, they need to know not to go anywhere else with that stranger – they must stay where other people are too. Where they can be seen. An opportunistic child sexual predator will hone in on your child and may ask him/her to go with him to find his parents.

7. Do you know that if you are 50% uncertain about a situation or about the behaviour of a person, to rather run away and tell and be safe, than to stay?
   Instinct is something you’re born with, intuition is something that is learnt through experience. Young children do not have intuition, but it can be taught and the first most important intuitive lesson a person can teach their child, is to follow the little voice of doubt inside, and to listen when the inner alarm bells go off. So, if your child feels a little bit uncertain or unsafe or unsure about a situation or behaviour, teach them to listen to that and get away from that person or place.

8. Do you know that people who really care for you will always back you up when you tell them something that is difficult for you to deal with?
   Children need to know that no matter how bizarre a story or emotion may sound to you, that you will always listen – really listen - to them, and believe them. If your child feels that he or she cannot tell you anything, they may not tell you about the person who tried to touch them inappropriately, or who showed him/her his private parts. Children do not easily talk about things that they feel is ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ for fear of getting into trouble. Parents and care-givers need to create opportunities for children to talk and make sure that they really listen to the child, and not judge the child.


9. Who are the people in your life that you trust – do I know them?
   Children don’t always understand what trust is about. A child sexual predator may take weeks to gain the trust of a child through grooming methods and you won’t even know that your child has been talking to or spending time with that person. Make sure that you know every person in your child’s life.

10. Do you know your personal details?
   Name, address, phone number, mom and dad’s first names and their telephone numbers. Children are never too young to learn these details.

11. Do you have a password that only mom and dad and you know for when someone else picks you up from school or from a friend’s house?
   If they don’t know the password [which only mom, dad and you know] then you don’t go with them. You tell another trusted adult and insist on phoning mom or dad to check.

12. Do you have a safe alternative place to go to should mom or dad not be home when you come home from school?
   It is paramount to your child’s safety to ensure that your child has a safe alternative place to go to if you are not home when they get back from school. Make sure that you tell your child how to get there, and that the person they are with is a trusted individual. Also ensure that your child is comfortable and feels safe at this place.

Rape not a 'crime' for Paarl Police - Mail & Guardian online 30 October 2009

By  Glynnis Underhill  
   A crime intelligence document leaked to M&G reveals that an identified suspect accused of raping three women in the Western Cape last year was allowed to roam free because the cases were allegedly among those not registered and investigated by police.
   The alledged rapes took place in Paarl and Paarl East, the document says. It says that many sexual offences reported at Paarl, Paarl East, Mbekweni and Wellington police stations were not registered on the police crime administration system for months, and in some instances years.
   Some of the cases that were not registered involved children as young as four and five.

The cases were allegedly written up as 'inquiries' by police, according to police sources.

   As they were not registered on the police crime administration system, no detectives were assigned to investigate them, they said, and no arrests were made.
The cases were finally registered on the police crime administration system on June 15 this year and detectives were put on to the cases.

   The leaked document says that the family of a four-year-old girl who had allegedly been raped gave police the name and address of the suspect. The case was reported to police on October 10 2007, but was only registered on the police crime administration system two years later. The child had been taken by the suspect to his shack, where he allegedly raped her. No arrest was made, the document says.

   Another of the cases that was not registered or investigated involved a nine-year-old girl who was allegedly raped by five unknown juveniles.

   A 60-year-old woman, allegedly raped while she was sleeping, provided the suspect's name and address, but no arrests were made, as no investigation was launched.

   The cases were registered on the crime administration system shortly before Western Cape's community Safety Minister Lennit Max asked the Independent Complaints Directorate [ICD] to investigate the manipulation of crime statistics at stations in Paarl, Paarl East, Mbekweni, Wellington and Oudtshoorn.

   A police document given to the M&G by Western Cape police commissioner Mzwandile Petros reveals how, in 2004, he wrote to deputy provincial commissioners and area commissioners to tell them that he had been informed that cases reported, particularly at weekends, were not being registered timeously on the crime administration system.

   Failure to register reported crimes timeously resulted in the provincial commissioner being presented with an inaccurate picture of the crime situation, Petros wrote.

"The practice relating to the late registration of crimes should cease with immediate effect," Petros ordered.
 
   The M&Greported last week that a police report leaked to the newspaper alleged that Captain Hildegard Mackier, at the Paarl police station, was responsible for manipulating crime statistics to reflect lower incidence of crime.

   The report was sent to Petros on June 15 this year by director Vincent Beaton, who had just been appointed station commissioner in Paarl.

   Beaton wrote that the acting commander of the Paarl [FCS] Family Violence, Child Protection and Sexual Offences Unit had told him that former Paarl policed station commander Mzwandile Tiyo had instructed officers not to open rape cases, but rather to record them as inquiries.

   Police spokesperson Billy Jones said the ICD was still investigating the allegations and that Mackier and Tiyo might be investigated. "Although the officers [Mackier and Tiyo] seem egaer to dispute these allegations, it would be improper for them to comment in the media when they still have to be interviewd by the ICD," Jones said.

World Cup Sex Trafficking Fears by Lynette Johns

Weekend Argus, 24th October 2009

Thousands of sex tourists are expected to be among the half a million visitors to South Africa during the World Cup next year, and there are fears that children will be abducted by trafficking rings.

Professor Susan Kreston says the US, Australia and the UK, Germany and Nigeria are where most of the sex tourists come from. She said there could be as many as 5 000 people who would pay to have sex with children during the month-long event.

Kreston is a Fullbright professor and research fellow at the Centre for Psychology and law at the University of the Free State. She was speaking at The Centre for the Book yesterday at a ‘roundtable’ organised by child rights group Molo Songololo.

Kreston hoped that the Prevention And Combating of Trafficking In Persons Bill would become law before the World Cup. She said traffickers would advertise bogus jobs in major cities, some of them connected to the World Cup, and the successful applicants would find themselves trapped in a world of prostitution.

Children most at risk included orphans, children from child-headed households, poor children and those living in rural and informal settlements. She said the children would often be initiated into the work by being gang-raped, held captive and moved from city to city so that they did not form any relationships with NGOs or people who could help them. They were also moved around the country because clients liked ‘fresh meat’, Kreton said.

Patrick Solomons of Molo Songololo said there would be 12 million children on holiday during the World Cup, and they would want to go where the action was, near stadiums and fan sites. “They will be at risk,” Solomons said.

Kreston said sex tourists often used conferences, workshops and major events as ‘facades of respectability. At the end of the day they go and find street kids.”

Sex tourists often also knew how to contact underground travel agencies which would ‘arrange children to the client’s specifications”. South Africa was a premier destination for sex tourists who found it easy to blend in because of the high number of tourists in the country.